A friend and I have been texting a lot over the last month. In fact, I've been texting with most everyone I know. Its been so convenient, more so than actual phone calls, emails and myspace. So I've just been sticking with it and believing it was a necessity. In fact, lately, I've actually been choosing friends and acquaintances based on how easy it is to communicate with them.
After receiving so many texts from a friend, I believed everything was OK. The text messages were fun: sometimes jokes, sometimes random thoughts, nothing too major. But after hearing his voice today on my voicemail, I really had no idea what he was going through right now. He was sick, bronchitis I think. He mentioned that he was on his way to visit his grand mother, and if there was a chance, maybe we'd meet up and go climbing or something later today. That could be fun, I’d never climbed Texas rock before.
Well, he did see his grandmother. What I didn't know, was that he attended her funeral yesterday. When he called and left the message, just the "Hi Rosie" was an instant indication that something was very wrong.
I'll admit it was good to hear his voice. I never wished anything but the best for this person, yet my heart totally fell when I heard his voice. Not because his grandmother died, but because its a fact of life that we, as the living, have to accept. Its not in our power to change this part of reality and its not an easy concept to grasp. I knew I was a true friend when he said, "I know you'd understand." For the most part, I do. And its not something that I can easily talk about either, but I guess within our tribe, I'm honored that a friend can find solace with me during a time that is so difficult to understand.
I'm also embarrassed to admit that through the text messages, in fact most every text message to almost everyone I write, I'd been under the belief that everything was OK. How could I be so insensitive and ignorant? That was so not true in this case. The sounds that a person's voice can make can really evoke an emotion. I'm glad I had the time to grieve his loss.
It certainly put my goals into perspective. How I wish I had this life figured out. But I think I need to be aware, just a little bit more, of who I call my friends. A random phone call every now and then is so nice. Its not easy to do, shit, I can tell you that. Its just something a friend has to do for a friend from time to time.
Gees, I hardly ever call my family. The emails, I thought, were enough. That's so horrible of me.
Its time for me to pick up the phone and make some calls.
Perhaps I’ll call my out of state friends on Sundays. I’d also like to make an effort to call my mom and dad every day. We had something to say to each other every day when I was there. I sort of miss that.
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