Coincidence strikes a nerve again

Peggy Su wrote his in her myspace blog -

What should I do??

For the past month or so I have been in a big limbo over NYC. I have this great opportunity to move to this city that I love so much, yet Iam still uncertain about going. It is a life changing experience, dropping everything here and starting over in a new city. Leaving my friends and family and relocating, I think I have a difficult time with that thought. But I keep telling myself that I will make new friends, like I did a few years ago and I already have some friends there. So you ask what the hell am I waiting for?? To tell you the truth Iam not sure. I guess Iam just scared. I mean I will already have a job working for Apple Computers. I just need a decent place to live that doesnt drain my funds...haha good luck to me on that one!!! Anyways, I should so this right?? ....


I responded with this -

Wait a second...I thought you wanted to live in Australia?!!?!!!

I would tell you NYC at this point in your life.

I moved there when I was 26. I think I knew two friends that I wasn't even that close with and I was jobless. I did go out there with a plan though, I wanted to be around artists and create work with an experimental theater company.

I think moved there with maybe $3000 in my bank account, I can't really remember that detail, but I knew I'd find a job somewhere. I was ready to live grimly, yet I was so ready for a new experience.

Something NYC can give you that I don't think LA can, is a drive that's constantly in your face. You can have a lot of down time in LA. As soon as you walk out your door in NYC, the hustle and bustle begins. I love the subway and the ability to walk everywhere, you meet so many people. When I'm in my car in LA, I miss those occassional bumps into the commuting strangers on the subway. But sometimes, not all the time, that stranger is pretty cool and you find yourself engaged in a really cool conversation with a new friend.

NYC is also a safe town, contrary to parental beliefs. In Manhattan, you'll always be able to find a yellow taxi cab on every corner. There's like no back alleys anymore, just more buildings!

As far as making friends, Peg, you're so easy to get along with! So many people all over the world already love you! I noticed you already have friends there....GO FOR IT!!! Stay there for at least a year. Let your passion drive you, not your fear. If you want it, if you REALLY want it, you should go.


Posted by *R*O*S*E* on Wednesday, March 07, 2007 at 11:52 AM


What I failed to realize is Peggy wrote ths on Monday, April 3, 2006


Wait a second...you've been contemplating this for almost a year now girl!!!

I'm slow.

Posted by *R*O*S*E* on Wednesday, March 07, 2007 at 11:57 AM



So first off, I'm not 26 anymore. And my drive to live in NYC is to create with my community of professional artists that do a damn good job in their craft and are succeeding well at this. Although I never wanted to admit this, I like the idea of having a steady job and steady money. Even if its just a little bit. The idea of running around the country in search for work not only sounds annoying to me, but tiring. I want to make a great living for myself in one place.

Moreover, when I was writing in response to Peggy, I told her to follow her passion, not her fear.

The idea of running to LA right now, like in 2 weeks, is because I have to start the driving back west to get my job back at Apple. It offers me steady money, a great health insurance plan, which I love having. But I can get a steady Apple job anywhere. Its just the full time status that gets removed, which has the health care benefits.

but why run so quickly? My parents are here in Florida.

One of the reasons why I don't want to "run" in two weeks is because I just witnessed my friend Dajana go through the death of her dad. He had cancer of the lungs. She's pregnant and he came for a visit from Germany in January, and they had a wonderful time together. In Febraury, he passed away. She flew back to Germany in a moments notice. Its so sad.

I'm going to be in similiar shoes one day. I don't know when that will happen. But learning to accept the fact parents die one day is not an easy concept to swallow.

My dad could in fact live for several more years. He's in good hands here. So is my mom. Both my brother and my sister live within two miles from here, plus my dog Thisby will be entertaining everybody.

The problem is, my heart is here.

John Cambell tell us to "follow your bliss." Well, I seem to be trying to figure that out. Why the f*ck am I having a hard time figuring this out? What is my bliss? I'm living such a wonderful lifestyle here, being in the plush environment of my parents and them just loving the idea of making me happy. Its so great.

But while I've been here, I've been acting like a kid, the grass is greener in NYC and LA. I'm sure I most have complained everyday. Maybe not out loud, but inside. Its taking me a while to accept any kind of lifestyle here.

But now that I've announced I'm leaving in two weeks, my mom finds an audition for me to go to, to be a cheerleader for the Tampa Bay Bucks. Its cute, but its not really for me.

And at the climbing gym yesterday, I inquired about taking a lead climbing class which opened the door to conversations on California, 2nd Species, meeting Floridian riggers...I felt like I might be able to find friends here with talents I admire.

Morgan told me, "Don't worry, LA will still be there."

But then a famous other said, "You can never go back home."

Then I remember another saying, "The only thing constant is change."

Damn it, I'm in a conundrum again.

If I follow my heart today, its in Florida. I'm so worried about leaving my parents, because the next time I see them, my dad, who knows. I don't want to think the worst today and everyday, but I think its my fear that is driving me. I'm having a hard time living my life.

As far as where I'm going to be in three weeks:

40 - Florida - because my heart is here and I might have found some artistic friends, but I'm lazy because my life is so cushy not paying rent and living with my parents. If I stay, I'd finish renovating my parents condo so their place is a little more organized. I'd take the month of April school session at the Players Music School, fly to NYC for a few weeks in May to work on the gig with 2nd Species, maybe the gig in Hollywood Florida will pan out and I can get some of the Floridian riggers to check out and possibly make good connections. Hartzell might be doing Blue Man in Orlando, so there's one of my 2nd Species partners, now only 2 hours away. Maybe he could help me get a job there, so I'm not pulling my hair out. Oh wait, I don't want to live in Orlando. I thought maybe I'd go back to school to at the University of South Florida...music? theater directing? photography? physicians assistant? Gees, if I become a PA, that would make my finances for life comfortable.

30 - Los Angeles - because I'm driven when I'm there, but I'm somewhat not interested in grinding pavement as an actor/dancer/model. But I know that made good money for me in the past, why not do that again? I've got other skills now, stunt work, harness work, directing, choreographing and producing. Its a game though. I don't know if I want to be gambling with this career anymore, but it surely is a passion...which above all, makes me driven. On just the retail salary, I'm looking at having $100 of play money each month, argh. It does afford me free time though, so I'll have to add on a teaching or club or bar gig just get a little bit of extra cash. My aspirations are high and I will constantly be in "search mode" looking for better work, more work. I'm really hoping I'll be able to create a home with my friends. I'm also thinking about taking a few bacclaureate programs at schools...like the business school with Pepperdine. Ha, I'll have to get accepted first! But that reality could happen in May, its an extension program for adults that already have a professional career. UCLA also has extension programs for people in search of degrees. And the neighborhood I'm looking at is right here. Marshall and Abby already go there.

30 - New York - Its an easy flight to my parents house, which I can visit often. I may have to surrender my car to save on bill payments in exchange for decent living and plane fares too and from Florida if I'd like to visit them every two months. My car is like a $500 chunk of expenses. A subway card is like $80 bucks. 2nd Speces, a company I help build from the ground up, Brook Notary, who's ideas for a non profit agency can turn into a heart fullfilled full time career, and Al Flannagan, who helped me create a show that is so moving and poignant for out time, all are so ready to start spit firing ideas. Who knows where those actions can take me. There's an abundant amount of schools there too. Look at Trey, Broadway show, 2nd Species, HS teacher and doctorate student. And, he and his wife just bought this huge house in Croughton Harmon. Its so possible. One of my favorite friends.

So the idea of opportunity is available anywhere. The notion of friends, is happening on both coasts, not quite yet in Florida, but could be soon. As far as finances, they are presently under control here in Florida, and a part time job somewhere could fix that. School is available anywhere. The artists careers are clear and solid in both LA and NYC, I may have to give it a little more time in Florida.

Its the parents, thats the crux in the matrix. Where do I want to be in relation to them?
Close - living with them...not for too much longer
In Tampa - a car ride away, can visit a couple times each week if I want to.
In NYC - $160 a weekend plane ride away, could probably visit once a month, but I'd surely have to get rid of my car
In LA - $300+ plane ride way and few days off from work. Hope to visit every two-three months, that's if I get a second job.

In the past, I could go a year without seeing them. One time, I went two years. I felt bad about that though.

Oh decisions.